By Christine Leccese

We begin each year with a new start, a clean slate, an opportunity to implement some new habits. Many of us have lofty goals: losing weight, getting fit, or seeing more of some old friends. One of the greatest changes you can make to improve your life, however, does not require you to take any dramatic steps. It just requires you to reframe your thinking.

There has been a lot written and discussed in the past few years about the science of happiness. Instead of focusing on “disorders,” the past decade or so has seen researchers focusing on what brings people happiness. A positive attitude is one of those things.

But, what if you’ve lived your whole life as a “glass half empty” person? Isn’t that just your personality? Can you really change those thinking patterns and become happier? Research says yes! Even a Negative Nellie can find herself feeling better after making some adjustments to negative thought patterns.

Know a resolution is coming. When things seem particularly bad and you’re down about something going on in your life, even if it’s a dark mood, remind yourself that a resolution is coming. You won’t always feel the way you do today.

Consider yourself a friend. Next time you’re beating yourself up mentally for something you did or didn’t do, think about what you would say to a friend in the same situation. Chances are that you wouldn’t be nearly as tough on a friend as you are on yourself. Treat yourself the way you would a friend — and go easy.

Make the choice. Sometimes, we “decide” we’re upset about something and go about the business of being mad. Try telling yourself that you are deciding to look at the positive side of something. Sure, you didn’t get the house you bid on, but you might find one that is even better.

Assume positive intent. Next time you are stewing because you are upset at something a friend, family member or colleague did, ask yourself why they did it. You may think it was to upset or hurt you, but perhaps it wasn’t. Think of some alternative (and positive) intentions. Assume the intent of the action was positive. Always assume positive intent.

Taking these small steps can make a big difference in your moods, and who doesn’t want to be in a good mood?

Christine Leccese is the marketing and communications manager at Military Pathways.

By Christine Leccese with Melissa Seligman

Long before social media, members of the military community knew the unique value of reaching out to each other, even if their only connection was their military affiliation. It was a necessity in military life. Because of its nomadic nature, military families have always had to rely on other military families who can connect them with important resources such as child care and other details about their new communities.

Unlike many civilian families, military families don’t have the built in support system of extended family nearby. Therefore, they have always reached out to other military families for information about the new location, advice and support. Social media has taken that outreach to a new and different level.

“As social media began to take off, we started to see military families using it to connect with each other in their new communities,” says Melissa Seligman, co-founder of the website Her War Her Voice and author of the book The Day After He Left for Iraq. “It helped them set up new emotional safety nets and to stay connected to the people at the previous location.”

So many military families find support, friendship, and help from other military families on social media that bigger ideas develop. It was from social media connections that Seligman and her partner formed Her War Her Voice, a holistic support group for military families. “We formed as a group online before we ever met, and now, we make frequent trips across the country to meet each other. We also hold military spouse retreats twice a year,” Seligman said.

Seligman remembers training for her first Army 10-mile race with a friend at Fort Riley who she had met online. Halfway through the training, Seligman PCS’d to South Carolina. Her Fort Riley friend connected Seligman to a runner friend of hers in South Carolina through Facebook. Seligman trained for the race with the new friend and the Fort Riley friend even traveled to Washington DC to run the race with Seligman. “Through social media, I made life-long personal connections, and two friends trained me for a race I will never forget,” Seligman commented.

Social media can be a special benefit to Guard and Reserve families who are often isolated from the rest of the military community. “While they may have community roots, they rarely have anyone who can understand the military community. On the other side, active duty military families rarely have the steadfast roots of a community. Online communities give both groups community,” Seligman said.

Seligman goes on to point out that without social media, military families would not know they are not alone with their thoughts, concerns, struggles, and triumphs.

Christine Leccese is the marketing and communications manager at Military Pathways.

By Samantha Rogers

(U.S. Air Force photo by Tech. Sgt. Michael O’Halloran)

Think about your winter months … Driving home from work in the dark. Not being able to play with the kids at the park after dinner. Rushing from the car to the house. The decrease in sunlight can drastically change your lifestyle. Research shows it can change your brain chemicals too. Although experts are not quite sure, they theorize that a lack of light may upset sleeping cycles and other natural bodily rhythms, and even disrupt the chemicals in your brain that affect mood.

I had a friend who broke up with her boyfriend each February. Valentine’s Day issue? Nope. She was just so unhappy in the winter months that her relationships suffered. She is not alone. A lot of people find a mood dip in the winter months.

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that affects a person during the same time each year. Most people typically experience symptoms in the winter and feel better by the spring. At least 10 million Americans are estimated to suffer from SAD, and 60-90% of those with SAD are women.

Symptoms for winter depression include:

• Feeling sad, hopeless, anxious, or moody
• Appetite changes and weight gain
• Loss of interest in activities
• Social withdrawal
• Loss of energy
• Difficulty concentrating
• Oversleeping and drowsiness

Most SAD sufferers benefit from light therapy, which either entails sitting in front of a “light box,” or using lighting to simulate dawn every morning. You don’t necessarily have to go to a treatment center to have this. There are home options for light therapy. Studies have shown that 50-80% of those with SAD have a complete remission of symptoms after using light box therapy.

If you feel you are currently suffering from SAD, contact a mental health professional or, if you need someone to talk to, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. If you feel you may have symptoms of depression year-round, take an anonymous mental health screening today.

Samantha Rogers is the Program Coordinator at Military Pathways.

By Andrea Carlile

Finances can be a major factor in marital stress or marital happiness. The fundamental differences between spouses can be as simple as saving versus spending or as complex as experiencing financial devastation. In essence, finances and money can destroy marriages, if allowed.

There have been two events that perpetuated major financial trouble within my marriage of 14 years. The way we handled them directly affected our marriage, and led us to trust in one case and mistrust in the other.

The first occurred four and a half years ago. Upon returning from a deployment for the Air Force Reserve, my husband’s civilian employer cut his employment hours to fewer than eight a week. While not firing him (which would be against the law), they legally reduced his hours and in turn, his income.

This led to serious financial issues as he desperately looked for another job. It took almost five months to find full-time employment and throughout those months we exhausted our savings, fell behind on our bills, and our house entered foreclosure. The stress of the finances caused walls between my husband and me, and we began to distrust each other. Obviously, none of this situation was anyone’s fault but when we are stressed, we often blame the other person. There was little communication or collaboration of a plan to handle the situation. Our marriage almost failed.

In the following years of our marriage we improved our communication and coping skills and were able to handle our financial concerns more positively. Just last summer we again faced financial setbacks when my husband was furloughed for six weeks. While not as drastic of a situation, we once again faced a loss of income.

However, this time we sat down and created a plan. We communicated our financial concerns to each other. We called creditors and let them know of the situation, and they were, surprisingly, very understanding. We bonded and used each other as support. Then when we had to purchase two new vehicles a month ago because of car issues, we were able to do so as a team. There was compromise, communication, and care for each other.

Financial struggles do not have to weaken a marriage. The key is to be a team, collaborate, and to create a plan together that both spouses agree on. Financial peace involves trust, not mistrust, and communication is vital.

Andrea Carlile is the spouse of a 12-year military veteran, received her Master’s from Indiana Wesleyan University, speaks to groups about PTSD, and is pursuing a career in Family and Marital Therapy.  The War That Came Home is her first novel, and she hopes to publish more books in the near future.